We Can’t Choose What Grows | Ep. 9

You can’t force growth. Not in the garden — and not in life. 

This week we talk parenting, expectations, kids in sports, and learning to step back. 

Plus our One Step Better follow-up and what’s next.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Find the space to dedicate to yourself, to give yourself the freedom to be what you want to be. Welcome to Worth the Walk, where two sisters chat about generations, raising kids, and family life with honesty, heart, and plenty of laughs. No perfection here, people, just real conversation as we walk it all out together. Let's get started. Good morning, Sherry. Good morning, Claudette. Wow, that sun is beaming through the front window. And I mean beaming. It is almost like it is the middle of August. The sky is blue, the grass is green, it is friggin' gorgeous out. And you have an amazing view. So that just helps. That all it does brings it all together. It does. And uh the deer are out. So I mean, we've always seen deer around here, but they've always been in the distance on a big hill. Or at nighttime, we'd be zooming past them, but we slow down and take a little picture of them or what have you. But this family of deer, which has been about four or five since the day we moved here, is now a herd of deer. So they've multiplied and they're now down in the bottom of the field, grazing down there so close. And I thought, oh my gracious, this is gorgeous. And so this week, in around my house, I've taken a picture of a fox just rolling around in the grass right there on the field, just rolling around and having the best time of his life. Right. A fox. And then the deer, all close in. And then we had a grouse. That's the one with the neck, the pretty neck, right? Pretty necked, yeah. Okay, grouse. I want one to have to be. I know you want a taxidermy too. Okay, yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

So I got that. So he was walked across our if you see one again. Backyard. Our backyard. John. I will I will pay. I don't know what it is, but I have this. I need I need one of those stuffed. Oh, yeah. I know. I know. It's so I don't understand why, but I do. I got it. I got it.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Tell me about the wildlife again. Okay. So the grouse was walking across our backyard. Like in the back, not the front yard, because we've seen them. There's a herd or a flock. What do you call a bunch of grouse that's turned together? Oh well, I I bet there's an actual word for it. Yeah. So there's a whack of flocks.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

A wax. A whack of grouses.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

There's a wax of grouse. A whack of grouse.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

There's a lot of them.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Okay. Edit that out, Dan. A wax of whack of grouses. So, anyways, they were all they live right across the street. So I'm pointing to share out my front window. And they're down over the hills and we've seen them since we've moved here. I get up on, I think it was Tuesday morning, look at the back, and there's this little guy just uh waddling across the yesterday. And I was just about to open the screen to let Minnie run out. And I thought, oh my God, don't do it. Because Oh, Minnie, Minnie can get me one. Oh, Minnie can get you one. I don't know what's left after Minnie gets you one. So I don't think you taxidermin is something that Minnie's picked up. So where did I get it? I got the deer, I got the fox, I got the grouse, oh, and my eagle. So in the backyard, there's a tree that has partially fallen. So it's an enormous tree, right? Cher and it goes across our river, right? So it doesn't actually go from end to end. So, but it goes over. And I mean, Joshua liked to lock climb on it. Samantha was going to climb the whole tree and everything as you try to reel people into their senses as they stop doing that crap. Anyways, this eagle is sitting right on the branch close to me. Wasn't paying attention. I'm walking with Minnie, and from my microphone to your microphone, I look up, and there is this huge bald eagle in front of my face. And I just stop, that big swallow, I look up and I said, Good morning. Slowly. And I slowly backed up. How impressed Minnie into the house, ran and got my cell phone, got back down to the thing, and he's still sitting there, right? And I made eye contact with me. And before I could get to push the button on my camera, his wings were out and he flew across. And the picture is gorgeous. So, I mean, I'm gonna show it to you, Cher. I want to see it. And and you were gonna put it up and so you can share it with the world. So that was my uh wildlife. Have you heard of this?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

There's a movie, Brandon Fraser's in it, and it's like the um Brendan Fraser, Brendan Fraser. Oh gosh. And he's him and his wife have this house, and the animals are like attacking him because they don't want him to do a building, like expansion. Oh, what is the name of that movie? It's not Dr. Doolul's. No, no, no, but it's so funny. It's so funny. It just reminds me of like waking, you wake up in the morning and like and the raccoons are like out in the yard waiting for him to like come outside and they like attack him.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

That's the name of that. Yes. And uh, by the way, we have a ton of raccoons. And these raccoons are not starving, they are not starving. They're well fed. They have got a great wattle to them.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

So we are we are very familiar with the deer at our house. They uh, you know, you have to build fences around any kind of garden you have, unless you have a greenhouse, but they will just decimate anything you've put into the ground. And then they love hydrangeas, they love tulips. Uh, they even started eating my hollybush. And so I've now I have a product that I spray. It smells atrocious. It's called Bob X, but it works. It'll also keep everyone else out of your yard.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

I was just wishing so you got to balance. Do I want beautiful smelling flowers that only last a short period of time because the deer will eat them? Or do I want beautiful looking flowers that nobody can walk near and we can't do anything with because they smell so bad? So it's under the fence too.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

And I'm trying to like, I just planted a bunch of hydrangeas. So I'm hoping they they didn't ruin them. And I got out early enough because they will start as soon as as soon as the deer can like make their way over and they sense these these these hydranger are about to they'll just they'll just clean them off, even fresh blooms, old blooms, anything will just So which ones are my hydrangea?

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Is that my really big bush that that tree yeah, you have so not the tree beside the house, this thing right here, which I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

I think you have I have to look around, but you have a rhododendron.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Okay, that's the rhododendron, yeah. Yeah. So the hydrangea is the big pink one that's in the driveway, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Yes with the beautiful fluffy blooms that they get.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

We cut that right back last year.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Yeah, and there's a bunch of different kinds of hydrangea, and you have to be careful how you cut them back. Some you do and some you don't. I know. I think you're fine. I think you did the right thing. Um, well, we'll know shortly. We will know anytime soon.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Any day now. Yes, we will. Yes, we will. We'll update the whole crew here as to whether I needed to take a better class, right? I am learning more as I'm going. You're doing fantastic. So my daffodils are growing beautifully. It's everything else that I seem to touch that doesn't seem to want to grow too beautifully. But we'll we'll we'll get into that later on. All right. So that's kind of going to be our let's call it our topic today. The effort we put into growth. That I'm dumb. Do you like that? Oh, I do. Yeah, don't make light. I think it's a great, I think this is a good topic. It's great. It is a it is a good topic. It started with my complete breakdown of spending $300 on seeds that did nothing. So that's where that came from. So, what else have we got going on here today, Cher? What what's what's our agenda like?

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Well, um, we obviously we're gonna talk about this this topic. Absolutely. I mean, just like listeners, I'm gonna let you know. Claudia does the brains behind this podcast. And I show up and I'm like, hey, what are we doing today? I'm doing I'm flying by the seat of my pants. Yeah, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Well, sometimes I love to throw a curveball at you. Which I I enjoy those as well. I know you do.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

I can tell you couldn't see her rolled eyes. Keep me on my toes. Oh, but I will say, um, I've I've been a little under the weather, right? I know.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

I've been a little bit you've like that's not a joke.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

You have been since about Wednesday, right? Yeah, I've been really not, I haven't been feeling the best at all. Anyway, I was going to make uh some more of my um wiener steamers. Steamy wieners.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Wiener steamers or my um You didn't give me a heads up sausage sausage steamers. The more I say it, the worse it sounds. I'm just gonna I have some insight to this.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

I'm gonna tell you so I have a mold. I have a mold where I can make things in the shape of wiener dogs. Wiener wiener dogs. I and I have two mini dashes.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

The double part. I knew what I was leading with. I knew. I knew what I was doing there. My mind was simply so different.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Well, I also have a ton of names that I don't even know if I can say, but I make these, they're you put them in the in the shower. It's a shower steamer, it's in the shape of the wiener dog. So it's like like a wiener steamer. Steam, steamy wieners. I don't know what to call them, but they're wiener dogs, shower steamers, and I put eucalyptus and all kinds of things in wicked so different than the trail I was on. Like we gotta pull this in. Pull it in. Anyway, I'm I mean, all jokes aside, I'm sorry. People would pay a lot of monies for a steamy weenie. They all really do.

unknown 9:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

All right, I'm done now. Not my steamer tests from our beautiful show that we've got going. Anyway, they're they're so cool. Anyway, I have all kinds of things I can make in this mold that I have with the for these little miniature ducks.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

And I have Daisy and Louie, which are just You've got to put a picture up of Daisy and Louis. Like those dogs are oh, I love my little dog, I love my little dogs. Divert for only one second, but I forgot to tell you when I was with dad this week, and um, and we were sitting together. So, you know, Arthur's sister was with us, and we were sitting in there, and a lady came to us, she had a big dog, and she made the suggestion of why don't you call the home and see if you can bring Daisy and Louie in. I mean, they would absolutely love it. And I'm sorry, it left my head. And we'll talk about this a little later on. Everything leaving my head. But what a great suggestion because they are beautiful. Put those pictures up of your babies. They would love to visit the home. And the people in the home would love him. Love the most, not him. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Even though Louie is Louis's a little more lovable than Daisy's. I mean, Daisy's lovely.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Daisy's beautiful, but you get to know gorgeous. No, no, no. She's gorgeous. She's beautiful, but she can be a bit of a pickup and you want to snuggle. Yeah. Like you just want to hold him. He's literally a giant teddy bear. He is. So I need those pictures. I mean, a little.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

He's not giant at all. There's nothing giant.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

There's nothing giant with either one of those dogs. But I really need you to put those pictures up. I mean, we've got so many beautiful pictures of them. We did get uh a little sidetracked. You've been under the weather this week. Yes. We had some steamy wieners that helped you out.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Steamy wiener can help in so many ways. But I have they're eucalyptus and it's a homemade remedy that you can just anybody can make anybody can make them. Anybody can make.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Everybody can make these.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Okay, that's fabulous.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Yeah. I'm swallowing deep so that I can concentrate. As I got tears running out of the side of my phone.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

But yeah, so that's all I have going on this week. But then once we get into this topic, which I really love that you brought this up, I think it has, you know, there's so many things that uh we put into growth, whether it's your self, you're you're putting things into yourself, or you're putting things into your life to make your life better, or the people in your life when you're raising little ones. Right? So I think what a great topic. And then we'll get into our one step better.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Oh, yeah. We'll save that to the end. Yeah, right. Um, yeah. So it's uh, what was my week like? So I won't talk about the one step better. Um I was really plant obsessed, hence the reason why when you said to me, What are we going to talk about? And I was uh I was joking, not joking. I was frustrated, not frustrated. But I said, Let's talk about growth and how I cannot make things grow. And then I thought about it and thought, well, I made some things grow. They're pretty cool. I mean, they happen to be alive and breathing. I did help them grow. But, anyways, that's how that thought came into my head. And what else did I do? Um let's see. I you know what? I didn't do too much else. I was going to bake, and then I put that on the sidelines. I've been obsessed with my puzzle on my table. Well, and that's about it. I mean, I don't I can't think of anything like uniquely different that I did. Um, we talked, uh, we did our uh another Zumba, we did uh my class that I did. Um we also had wrote a little bit more. Oh remember, remember my thing. Wonderful. Wonderful. Yep. So I'm not ready to talk about that one yet because that won't that might be a couple of weeks out on our one step better type of thing. So we'll just let that one fly. Because remember, I said, How do the worlds come to me? Well, those words dropped off real, real fast when I read through it and went, Oh my gosh, what are you writing about? So so I've I've I've keep going. Like a good thing. You know, like you know, all the writers, famous writers in the world, like myself. And we do get writers' blog, you know. Yeah. I have been at this for like, I don't know, what, like, 72 hours or so? I mean, then I'm quite classy now with my words. So, anyways, um, that's it. Uh that's what I have going on. Oh, well, I did do um a little note to the CRA and let them know I'm not happy with them. Oh, and then I did a little note to maybe my my MPs and so to let them know that perhaps I'm not thrilled with some stuff. But you know, then my words came very good there, and they were all professional, classy, well-worded, even used a thorough to help me get through some of the words.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Were they emails?

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Because I can picture you they weren't oh, you actually put pen to paper like I put pen to paper, printed it off, signed the paper, put it in an envelope with a stamp, and mailed it. Oh, I love the old school. I went old school. Loving that, yeah. And then I did send the email as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Because in my mind, I'm picturing send.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Send.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Oh no, the the keys, you're dead on because each key, like I had to fix my keyboard afterward because I had to get the emotion through. Capital T-H-E.

unknown 15:05

Capital.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah. So yeah. So no, no, no, no. I printed it off, I read through it, I ensured that all my words were so professionally uh worded and uh uh inputted so that um I was very clear in all of my things. So I guess that's what I concentrated on because that was pretty well Tuesday and Wednesday, because I took two full days to to put it. We had a lot of rain this week, too. So I found out there was a couple of days that were just straight out. Yeah, I can't complain. I really wanted that for my grass.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Really? And it made a difference. It does.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

I don't know. Do you think it's making a difference? I do like no, not the grass out there, but grass grass. Oh, your grass grass. Yeah. It'll come for people on the phone. I'm not growing grass grass. I'm growing grass in an area that was completely dug up, but it uh still doesn't come.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

It does take it seems like it takes a really long time, and then all of a sudden what you'll do, you'll look out, and then there'll just be like a little, there'll be little fluffs of uh grass.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Wait for that to happen. All righty. All right, we're we're jumping into our conversation. And today's episode, you know, is the things we grow help grow, or we have to give up because we knew we couldn't help it grow. We had to literally walk away from it. And so what I'm talking about mostly um is um my flowers, right? That's this is how we got up. So I spent that $300 and and well, actually, it was far more than $300, just so you know that, because I got all my veggies. I haven't even started. And John does veggies, I don't do veggies. Um nothing happened. They did not bloom. They did not come through the top. So I had a whole tray of asthers. Aster. Asters, okay, asters. Um and I'd put them in plastic bag with paper towel, moistened it, put it under lights, right? And those seeds popped like nobody's business. The little the little sprouts came out and everything. And so the bag was filling up with a little sprouts. So I thought, okay, well, I'm gonna take them from the bag and now I'm gonna put them into my little bag. Um growing seedling pods. And I'm not using the right words, everybody, but I think you can get the gist. So I took them from there and put them in there. And I watched them die. I watched them just shrivel right up. So I thought, okay, well, they can't really be dead. What I'll do is I'll put them under my lights in my my greenhouse and close the door. No, nothing. Mm-mm. Every one of them. All that full tray of 72 little paws that had little green things in them, all dead. All right. So then I had another tray of 72 uh lupus lupins. Lupins. Those sound of a guns didn't even pop up. Yeah, they're a tough, like you almost have to score the seeds. I so scored. You did?

SPEAKER_01 17:47

I soaked, go, huh.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

I soaked for overnight.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

I scored 100 seeds. Wow. With a a nail clipper on the end. 100 seeds. Yes. And and I want you to visualize eight little seeds on the top of that. And I score. Took each one of those seeds, put it into one of those little pod things, barely put it through the surface because they say just lay it down. That's all they say. Those little suckers didn't come up.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

That's um, I'm feeling. I feel for you because I know how much you effort and time you put into that.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Yeah. An entire weekend to get those things to go. And they didn't. So with the rain that we had yesterday, I took them out into my garden because it was full moon on Friday, right? So Friday, uh, sorry, Thursday, where I knew the rain was coming. But if you look on my astral thing I have on my phone, the actual full moon was Thursday at like 9 43 p.m., which was like listed as the full moon. However, if you look at all the apps and everything, everybody told you May 1st was the full moon. But if you use that turning of the earth Thursday evening. And beltane.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

This is like a big if you follow that kind of thing, it's like a very big shifting between seasons and I was it.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

So I took them out, took the both trays that let me down. And I told them they let me down. So I went out to the garden and I spoke to Mother Earth and I took all the seeds and I took some fresh ground and I took everything that was there and I put them in the ground uh where my daffodils are. I don't know why I want to call them daisies. I have no idea, but where all my daffodils are, and I turned them over and I put them in and I said, just let it be. If you're gonna grow, grow, and if you're not, that's okay. And I took the other tray, went down by my water where I was gonna put all these wildflowers, right? Turned over that whole tray, put a fresh thing of dirt down that John had bought me, all these bags of dirt that you see out there. And I looked down at it and I said, just go be with Mother Earth. If you're gonna come up, fine. If not, that's okay. I can move on and start again. And then I thought, well, don't we do that to our children? Don't we look at our children and say, okay, well, I paid for fig figure skating at you know, $700 a lesson and six hundred dollars for skates and a thousand dollars for a private person to take you on with this, and four hundred dollars for all these dresses that you've gotta have and you don't like it? Well, that's okay, sweetheart. All right, we tried. You gave it your best shot. All right, let's just write that one off and we'll try something else. And then I thought about you and your dance, right? I mean the girls and dance and was it our dream that they become a dancing star? Was it their dream? And then when they walk away, are we like that's okay? Don't worry about it. Just carry on and do what you want to do, right? If that's not the dream you had, let's try something different.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Okay. So comment about your planting.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Okay. I'm just going to jump in to say, I am I'm so proud of you. One for having the dream, and don't let that one die. We're not burying that. Oh no, it's not. Um, and I am going to get you lupins because fortunately here in Nova Scotia, they grow by the buckets fall along the side of the road. So we're digging them up or transplanting, and we're gonna get you your lupins. Mark my words, I'm doing it for you. Are we doing it at night? Oh, just a blank. I'm doing it in the middle of the day, and I'm saying, I'm coming for you. You're coming with me. Get in my car, we're going to Claudette's. We're digging you up, and we're doing it together. Okay. We're doing this. It's a date. It's a date. Okay. Give us a few weeks. Okay. You're having lupins. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

And we're gonna get all the colors. I want to just And I want them, my whole back, you know where I want them, right? I got you. I got you. I got you. Can't you visualize that? Oh, I can. It's gonna be gorgeous, it's gonna be beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Yeah, I can't. Happening. It's happening. Well, that was the dream. There is more than one way to make this dream come true. Okay? But there's anything five. Okay. There's more than one wait a minute. Asters also. We'll cover that one off a little later, but we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. They're also an easy one. We can we can we're gonna make this dream come true, second of all. The next part is uh investing in what you have a vision for your kids.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Oh, yeah. So I just wanted to know I I chose figure skating because of the all the tasks that we did in both of my children's life. Figure skating was one that held a very high dollar price. Yes. And I would have done that a thousand times over, Samantha. So don't you even worry about it. I would have paid for it every minute of every day. And if you chose not to, it's still okay. I just wanted to backpack that. I love it. No, because I just I don't want her to walk that back. Oh no, mom. No, I would have done it every day.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Well, and I'm going to say something to tie into that because Ailen, my daughter, listens to this too. And I'm going to speak about her soccer because she's so good. Um, oh, and I don't want to get emotional about it because it it really was a time in our life when she was dancing, phenomenal dancer, and she was playing soccer at the same time. And her dancing was getting to a point where it was like, well, you can't really do both. And soccer, she was becoming exceptional at soccer.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

She is.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

And she was a keeper. And she also played out. So she could play forward really well. And she was also a keeper. And things were progressing. So she was on, um, she was doing the Team Nova Scotia camp. She was, you know, progressing through there. She kept making higher teams. She played for Suburban for a long, long time. At like they're now they call them, I don't know what they call them, but she was like triple A, whatever, soccer. Went to nationals three times, brought home bronze, met one of them. Um, and again, it wasn't a huge amount of money in the beginning. There wasn't, it wasn't a huge dollar figure, but when you see the potential in your child when they're doing well, and and I'm gonna, you know, I I think enough time has gone by now where Ailen and I we can kind of reflect a bit. She may disagree because for her it's a little painful to look back. But it was a time where I I really pushed her. I pushed her very hard. And Charles did to an extent, but he was also very invested in the hockey side of things too. And so we were kind of going in four different directions all the time. And I tended to take the girls to the to dance and soccer, and he tended to take the boys to hockey and and soccer and all the other things they were doing. All of it. So I would I'd get to, you know, Ailen was doing Nova Scotia camps for her keeper. She was doing goalie training at St. Mary's University. She was going to camp, she was playing soccer all year round, winter, summer, uh in camps. And it became a point where it wasn't fun. Yeah. And she was excelling, she was still doing wonderful, but I could tell her happiness was taking a huge toll. And um, and so I had to kind of, I know I looked and I I may have ruined her soccer experience because I kept thinking, like, you you're so good. You have such a talent, and I can see, I can see what you do. Like she was a monster out there. And folks, if you can, uh those folks who are listening who know Alan, she's got red hair, she's got such a fiery personality, she's so full of like life. And when she got out on that field to be a keeper, I mean, she was very aggressive and she was almost frightening at some point. She was so good, very, very good. So good. She could bend and jump and all these things that just made her skills just be and she was so talented, very talented. And whatever she does, she's talented anyway. But I was looking at her in this whole soccer experience, just thinking, and I really did push her. And I, you know, and when we got to a certain point, and I remember her when she was graduating from high school, and they had just come back and won bronze at nationals. This is ladies, triple A soccer. And there was, then there was camps where they were being scouted by universities, you know, and and it really wasn't her desire. She had no desire to play past high school. Like she was like, I'm kind of done. I want to play for fun. I don't want to, I don't want to keep going. And I kind of gave that push to be like, but oh, look what you know, you could you could be, you could be, you could do this. But what a, you know, how hurtful is that though, when I should have just honored what she wanted, you know?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Looking back at it, I mean, we're all that way. I mean, I think there was a point where I know Samantha did not want to skate anymore, and she was good. She was very good. Samantha's a wonderful skater. Oh, she's beautiful skater. It was just like, no, I don't want to. And then I put her into hockey. And of course, she excelled at hockey and she would skate above where all these other children were, and they put her in with the boys to skate, right? Because she was that good of a skater.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

And and just for note, back then, yeah, like however many years, like they don't do that now. No, I mean, my my daughter back then, they you there wasn't a lot of girls' hockey options. So you had to, if you wanted to compete higher up, you had to go with the boys. That's all that you there, you don't have to do that now.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

No. And so with this, I've again she just said, no, I don't want to. It's not what I want to do. But it didn't, I mean, it was like Matthew. I put him in karate, right? And it I love karate. I don't know if you remember how, like, I mean, I I made my way up in the karate world, right? I do, honey. And I took my kickboxing. I mean, I loved it. And I was really trying to push him, but he wasn't having fun. I was doing it for me. I wasn't doing it for Matthew. Yeah, right. Yeah. And Matthew was a model as well. And there was a point where he said, I don't want to do this. And I was like, Yes, you are. You're really good. Look at all the work we're getting. And then I took a picture of myself, and it's like, you're not doing this so that Matthew can have fun or whatever. You're doing it because you want to do it. And again, it's so hard as a parent to look in the mirror to say, Am I growing my children for them and what they want to do and in in the life they want to live, um, in the things that give them joy and pleasure? Or am I doing it because it looks really good on mommy's resume? And mommy looks really good out there with this glowing whatever. It's hard to stop yourself in those moments and be like, is this making him happy? Or in retrospect is unbelievable. Or what is hindsight is 2020, right? All of that I look back on. I mean, my kids, as you know, Italian blood in them, when they've made up their mind, they've made up their mind. It doesn't matter what mommy says or daddy says, they've made up their mind. And we could go down the road of how we've battled stuff, but the Italian blood in them and that voice that comes out, there's a make me, you know. So I mean, I never ever pushed past the point where I always said, no, you don't give up until this season's done. Like I paid for this.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

We our rule was too, you okay, you're not having fun, you don't like it? Okay, we'll finish what we've started. And you don't have to take the next round or sign up next time, but you do have to finish what we have started.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

There's not the the philosophy in I I mean, I can't speak for every parent in the entire world, but if I could offer some insight as a a woman, a mother, and a grandmother is once you've committed to one thing, you commit you finish the commitment, and then you don't need to renew it if you need, if if if if it's not bringing you joy or it is not a fulfillment or anything along the list.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Unless you're a clo and you're registered in hockey. Because clothes will never let you go. That is not an option. You do not have the choice. Poor and I'm bringing this around to Oliver. So, Avery, not a question. I mean, he the Avery's the one who got a hockey stick for Christmas one year and then he slept with it. And then if he used it once, like in the garage, he'd wash it and then Okay, okay, okay. So that that's Avery. Oliver loved hockey, he was actually very good, and he he is very good. He hasn't played for a long time. I haven't seen him play since high school, but he um he skated and he'd play with just like total abandon. Like he'd just go out there and just give it it all. And he didn't care. He was just going out there and he had fun. I think he had fun in the beginning until he realized this isn't fun. I remember he was in probably um Pee-We, no, younger. He would have been Adam, and all the kids had to take turns at being goalie. And so he had the goalie gear on, and he's out there, and the kids are firing shots at him, and he's standing there like looking at me like I was at that game. Were you? I think I might go over and he waddles back over. And I was like, Oliver, you can't leave the Nets, son. You have to go back. And then he's like, I don't want to do this. And I said, Oh, are you not having fun? No. Do you want to come off the ice? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:14

I think I was at that game. Because I remember thinking, My dear God, they're just beating him. He's not even trying to protect him.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

So he's just standing there with the stick. Like he didn't even move, he just stood there.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

He just took back. They're trying to even move. Remember. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Anyway. Poor little guy. Yeah. So um, hockey. And then, of course, Charles, he was a coach for I mean, he's been coaching um Avery is 27, and he's coached since Avery was very, very little and taught skating. So he's coached for over 20 some years. Yeah. And he actually won um hockey Nova Scotia Hopkins coaching. Yeah. He's got a little plaque and everything. All that sort of stuff. Yeah, really, really nice. Um, and well deserved because he is a wonderful coach. Um, so it's not that Oliver didn't, you know, have the option to not play. I think he always felt compelled. Like I should play. Yeah. But thankfully, Oliver has so many other wonderful skills and things he's interested in that we've that we've kind of introduced into life. He plays uh guitar, electric and acoustic. And that's kind of cool. Oh, he's very good. And that's his passion. But again, trying not to push them down roads that they don't want to go to, but it's hard when you're in it, you know what I mean, and you see potential, or it's part of your life and it's your pastime and it's things that Charles does with his with his boys and his and his daughters. Ailen played hockey for a little while too. And it's those things that they share. It's like, I want to, I want you to do the things I like because I want to do things with you.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

I know. So, I mean, I agree with you, right? It's it's all about making sure that we have the right focus for our kids without it being our demand for us to look good so that they can have something. But I mean, we don't know all of that. I mean, what we're trying to do is grow good humans, right? So, I mean, there's a point when we take the human, give it to the earth, and say, let them be what they're going to be. So that's my metaphor to my plants going and saying, giving it to Mother Earth, saying, if you're gonna do it, that's fine. And if not, that's okay as well. And then, I mean, there's all kinds of avenues for that growth. So now let's look at ourselves. I mean, the same growth happens here. Um, I won't talk deeply about my experience in the circle because we're gonna talk about that in a little bit. But it was so amazing to listen for me out there in the world, these different perspectives of people going through the same thing that I'm going through, trying to find the right growth, right? How can I make myself bigger or better? Not bigger, because I really want to lose. But how can how can I get some growth out of myself? So, I mean, John was laughing this week and he says, like, what are you doing now? He says, like, are you home today? Like, what do you got? So he says, you know, you've you've got a writing class, and then you're off to your book class, and then he says, You've got your swimming class, and then you're gonna go and take some flower courses, and then you want to do some reading on here, and then you're doing, he said, you know, do we have a free night? I said, I think I have a whole day today. A whole day is just like me. He says, I bet something comes up. But and then surprise Sherry's here. But it's growth, right? I mean, it is the opportunity to have growth. And if there was any way that we could get something from you and I out there into the world, is don't stop being yourself from the age of 20 to 100. So if there's something you want to do, go do it. Don't wait till the kids are in school or um uh 16 or can take care of themselves, or maybe when I'm retired, or don't do that. If you want to learn something, learn it now. If you want to partake in something, try to do it now. Find the space to dedicate to yourself, to give yourself the freedom to be what you want to be. It's it's hard because we all have the it costs too much money, uh, I'm so stressed at work, I mean I gotta do 12 hours. But if I if I had one wish for every person in the world is don't make you priority. I could I could just wish that upon anyway, make yourself priority, even if it's for 30 minutes a day, maybe even 30 minutes a week.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

There was advice we gave um Avery, our oldest. And we actually we've given this piece of advice to all of our children. So all four of our children have heard us say this because we we push them to do difficult things. If if they have an idea of something they want to do or become, we've said if things were easy, everyone would do them. And also, you can do hard things. You can do hard things. And when you've done that thing that's really hard, you you had a sense of pride within yourself. Like, I I did it, and it was hard. It was very hard. So we've spoken those words to our children through their whole life. You can do hard things, and if things were easy, everyone would do them. But you need to do funny.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

Do you know what I saw on um uh a tattoo last night? No. I can do hard things. Oh, ooh, beautifully tattooed right here. I can do hard things.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

But that advice, Charles and I have both given that advice for our whole our whole parenthood. But now I'm looking at myself thinking I I can do hard things. I can do hard things. And if there's something I've been thinking about, I I want to do them. They're difficult, but I can do them and I need to try at least, right? Step outside that box.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Absolutely. So I mean, I'm only just doing them, right? At 62 this year, I'm only just doing them. I'm doing well, I mean, I've always done it on things, let me rephrase it. I've always done hard things. If you told me I couldn't do it, I I will climb a mountain to show you I can do it, right? So that's I don't know if that's a personality fault or a great trait. Either way, if you tell me I can't, I'll tell you I can, right? Um I just want to wish upon every parent, every mother, every woman out there to have enough self-confidence in themselves to say, like, I don't know if I'll be great. Damn, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna, I'm gonna give this a shot. If it works, I I will be beyond proud of myself. And if it fails, I'm still gonna be proud of myself because I tried, I did not give up, and I did my best. It wasn't meant for me.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Or it wasn't meant for me. You take lessons and you do it again and do it better the next time. Or change it or realize maybe just do it.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

In my head, it sounded good. I've had a lot of those ones. In my head, that sounded really, really good until I did it.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

That sounds like a hold my beer moment. Hold my beer.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

I had a flashback of Matthew. Hold my beer. You've got a son that's simply like that. Yes, hold my beer.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

Anyways, going back to the kids and the growth and the garden, uh, today's episode was you know, um, don't always give up. So when the seedlings don't pop through and the cracks don't grow and the flowers don't pop, find a different avenue.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Or it means there was something else coming that was better.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Better. That's right. That's right. And then you have a sister who can steal those lupins from the side of the road and get them thrown in your kitchen. Oh, we're doing it.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

We are doing it with a shovel and a tarp. And a whole lot of lupins are coming your way.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Can't wait. All right, Cher. So that's today's topic. How about if we move into our One Step Better? Yes, you go.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

So last week we touched on what we were going to do for our One Step Better this week. So we're gonna talk a little bit about what we did, and then we're gonna introduce what we're gonna tackle for the coming week to be one step better. Okay. So I had the water bottles. And we got to thank Dance.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

Oh my gracious, that video. Like I have not laughed so hard. Funny. When that video came through, I I played it to John who couldn't quite get the comprehensive of how funny it actually was, because I'm in tears laughing. Oh, if we're gonna talk about in tears laughing, let's take 30 seconds to give Brit a great big pat on the back. So my daughter-in-law Brittany sent me a video of two women trying to get out of the ocean waves and they were laughing. Well, if it wasn't Sherry and I, I tell you right now, if I could have just did that cut and snap and put our faces on there, I laughed. And I said to Brittany said, I'm gonna send that to Cher. Then Sherry's laughing. Now the two of us are laughing at a video, and honestly, I was just crying. Yeah, I might have peed a little. I laughed. I was literally just about to say that. I swear to God, this thing was hilarious. That Cher's gonna post it up. It's not our video, it's taken from the internet, right? And we're gonna snap it up. But good lord, did we laugh? Okay, I got distracted. Okay, let's talk about your water bottles. Water bottles. Where did they go?

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Okay, so um, I'm not making art. Sorry. We're just not going down, we're not going down that road. I did, however, pair them up. Uh, I got a little family that's all nice and happy to stay together in the room, but the room is much much less cluttered now.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

Okay, look at you.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

I made a step forward. I did I cleared I cleared out some room for more water bottles. No, I'm just fresh particular for fresh new water bottles. No, no more water bottles are joining the family. So we've we've cleared it out. And that just the video was just amazing. So it felt so good. I had like a little bit of a you know when you take something and you clear out or you get rid of something, just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

There's no good better than getting tackling something that's big. So you look at it as big and you think, okay, well, I'm just gonna wait till next week before I do that. And then you think, okay, next week's here. I can do this. This is this is the task. So I'm very proud of you. Yeah. Very good. And you did not bring any to my home. And again, I'm proud of you. Thank you. Oh, you're so welcome. Yes. Yeah. Now that was your big thing. That was my that was my one step better last week. Yeah. So mine I talked about a little bit was my my writing. So I'm not one step better because it's at the same amount of numbers. Actually, there's less numbers, less words on the page because I deleted some lines and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

So we're like, You didn't take my advice of the font of the color white and font and the white, no.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

So uh we're down to like 702 or something. Uh I had to, I didn't, I didn't, it wasn't, it wasn't flowing the way I wanted to. So I'm still working it. Um, I do have till next Tuesday to have it done. So I've got uh this weekend until Tuesday. I love a deadline. I know, I got a deadline, so uh we'll see. Okay. I'm almost there. And then the second thing that I was doing, I went to a sister circle. So it was the flower moon sister circle, is what I went to. Oh, I'm so doing it again. All right. Um it was way different than I thought. For some reason, I thought it was like yoga of some sort. It's not. I mean, you are literally um in a circle, you're sharing, you're growing, you're becoming a part of a community. Um, absolutely beautiful. And I there's not enough words to say, um, I think you will love it if you ever choose to come with me.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Um I've done certain circles before on.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Um, it's in complete confidence. Uh, you don't share what's put out there. It's it's meant for that space and that space only. There is no judgment, there is no um uh like no hugging. There's nobody, you're not, you don't want to make it better. You're not there to make it better, you're not there to make a difference. You're just there to support somebody who wants to speak and whatever they want to speak about, right? And it was beautiful, it was a really beautiful experience. I loved it, and I'm gonna say I would absolutely do it again, 100%. Uh, one of the things that we had to write about was and now we're gonna talk about next week's One Step Better, which is our segue. I really need more drum rolls that I'm here we go. Um what you know, if if you had anything that you wanted to do and you've thought about it, um would you do it? And so I always thought, well, I want to have flowers and I want to do that. And I thought, well, no, I I really have something I want to do. And I've been practicing it for a long time. I'm I'm talking like six years now. I've been practicing it. Um and I love doing it. And um but I am I was gonna say afraid. Am I afraid to do it? That's my word. Hesitant? I'm hesitant. Afraid. Are you self-conscious? I'm self-conscious. Uh the the what if is all there. What if I'm bad? What if I'm wrong? What if I look so what if, what if? So I'm putting it out there. Okay. This is the thing. So I have been studying tarot cards for about six years. Love doing it. Uh, every single day of the year. Doesn't matter. Every single morning, I have one tarot card for myself, and then I do three tarot cards for like the week and what's it gonna be? Every single morning I pick my cards, I kind of go through it. I will pick cards for John once in a while, like yesterday for the Kentucky Derby Witches today. I picked a card, told him to look at it. I said, What does it think of? This horse did not win, by the way, the card that I said. Didn't it come through? So, you know, again, it's that that that thing. But here we are. This is what I've got going on. Uh, I love tarot cards. So I'm going to step outside my box, and I really want to do a reading on somebody that is not my family. Not my children, not my sister, that I know everything about, which I actually don't know everything about, but you know, I have a pretty good idea. You got a good idea. Good synopsis. Shh. So I don't know the when and the how, but I feel like I'm going to have enough nerve to ask somebody if they'd like to do a reading. And I will let everybody know next week if that actually happened. And if I was brave enough to actually do it on somebody, I don't know. I have no idea. I gotta I gotta work into it.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

You have to start somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

Yeah, I have to start somewhere. Right? You are very good though. Well, I mean, I f sometimes I feel I am, and sometimes I just I have the self-doubt. Huge self-doubt because this is a kind of for me, this is big. I don't know anybody else out there that would think that this was be big, but if I'm going to turn something over because somebody wants to know something, to me it feels extremely important. I guess like in my heart and my soul, right? If I want to turn something over and I want to tell you something important, I mean, what if I what if I'm wrong? What if it's not right? What if I see something I don't want to see? But anyways, that's where I'm at. That's my one big thing. Okay. I don't know how it'll turn out. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 45:13

That is impressive.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

It's scary for me. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 45:17

With my one step better. Yes. Okay. Right oh. Good. Yes, indeed. Sherry's one step better. Not as impressive.

unknown 45:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

Yours are always. I really need to start digging a little deeper with these.

SPEAKER_03 45:33

I mean No, you don't. I gotta ever step isn't worth it.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

I mean, is it Clannet? Yes, it is. Is it?

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 45:41

I mean, my water bottles. Impressive. Oh, I never laughed so hard in my life, so I can't thank you enough about the water bottles.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

I mean, really, between day.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Am I better? Am I actually better this week? Yes, you are. You can have no water bottles that are built up and you've more space.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

All right. So my one step better is um, it's around my family memories, actually. Oh. So it's about um I'm sorry. What are you trying to ask me? I thought you were gonna talk about your pictures, your family. Yes. Oh, see, I am that's impressive.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Hey, woo-woo again. Did you I didn't say it? I don't, but I had no idea. The second you said family memories. I'm thinking, oh, she's gonna do pictures. I know she is.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

Well, here's like we don't have tangible because everything's digital now. We don't have tangible photos that we can sit down and like look through the books and have memories. And so I have had this idea for a very long time to start my memory books from, and I'm gonna pick a year, a year. I'm gonna, oh, sorry for sniffing. I have a lot of you know, pictures that are digital summer before we went digital. I have them in hard copies, but I'm gonna scan them and then I'm gonna start my books. And I'm gonna start with one year at a time, and I'm just gonna do it. But I've been thinking about it for so long.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

Are you going to have them printed off and pasted in those books that we had as kids? Remember where the stock and departments are. No. So what are you doing with them? Like what are you still gonna keep them digital? But I'm gonna upload them to a company, they're gonna do it for us.

SPEAKER_03 47:16

Okay, stop a second. I gotta be in a second. What's that better? Why do I do this? I just don't even know anymore. What are you gonna do? That's so I gotta just take my memories and make no memories and make something beautiful, will you please? I take my money. Gonna have to pull myself together. Stop them scrapbooking.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

I'm gonna put scrapbooking. I'm gonna scrapbook my memories and make them a beautiful keepsake for all of my generations in my family to look back on. No, nope, nope. Cherry's uploading them to a company and paying money to like have to do this for me. That's beautiful. I had a I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 48:20

I had a vision that you had a printer and you were gonna print them off and then you were just like, Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

I love that you think I would do that. That's not happening. Okay, I I have to put myself together and I'm sorry because your idea is beautiful. Man, I really need to, I'm coming up with something. I'm doing this. I am doing this.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

I'm proud of you, and I'm I did not mean to take away from it. It just my when you said it, that's what came into my that was the picture that came into my head.

SPEAKER_02 48:50

Oh my goodness. Okay, I kind of got it together now. I'm gonna cut, I'm gonna be a little deeper as we get down the road of one step better. I will get a little deeper. I will do some actual stuff. Okay, that's enough.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

You are fabulous, and I cannot wait to start to see these books that this company will do for you because I know they will do a phenomenal job. Yeah, I have a really good looking family. You do have a beautiful family, and you can pass that down for generations because I'm positive it'll be bound and it'll be gorgeous, and it won't be those sticky papers that we just fall out of. Your idea is a thousand times better than my visual that I had. All right, yes. Keep talking, Claudia. I know, keep talking. Everybody, oh my gracious, we are now super long. Um, I cannot thank you all enough for taking time out of your day to listen to us. I am very grateful. What's your outro? You've got it there somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

Hi, everybody. Thanks so much for listening this week. We enjoy every time you send us your feedback, we enjoy reading. Please follow us on social media, on Instagram and Facebook. Send us an email at wordthewalk podcast at gmail.com and download us anywhere you get your podcasts. Have a great week, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

Have a fabulous week. Share and take care, everybody.